The Best Resignation Letter Ever
Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA, to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!

Dear Mr Baker,

As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of “cut and paste” for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.

You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is “I prefer not to comment.” I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your “favorites list”, which I conveniently saved when you made me “back up” your useless files. I do believe that terms like “Lolita” are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to “take pictures of your Mother’s birthday,” you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!

Wishing you a grand and glorious day,

Cecelia

A woman in hot air balloon realized she is lost.

She reduced altitude & shouted to a man below: “Excuse me, can you help me?
I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago but I don’t know where I am.”

Man below replied: “You r in hot air balloon 30 feet above d ground.U r at 41 deg north latitude & 59 deg west longitude.”

Lady: You must be an engineer.

Man: How do u know?

Lady: Everything u told me is technically correct but useless & the fact is I’m still lost.

Engineer:You must be in Top Management.

Lady:Ya.How do you know?

Engineer:U don’t know where you are or where you’re going. U made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, & u expect people beneath u to solve ur problems.

Gotta Love this Policeman

A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light.

The driver is a real bastard, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation.
The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer’s ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.

The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.

When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an “AH” in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket.
He then hands it to the ‘violator’ for his signature.
The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the “AH” and demands to know what it stands for.

The officer says, “That’s so when we go to court, I’ll remember that you’re an asshole!”

Two months later they’re in court.
The ‘violator’ has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.

On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.

Under cross examination the defence attorney asks; “Officer is this reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?”

Officer responds, “Yes, sir, that is the defendant’s copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top.”

Lawyer: “Officer is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don’t normally make?”

“Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an “AH,” underlined."

“What does the “AH” stand for, officer?"

“Aggressive and hostile, Sir.”

“Aggressive and hostile?”

“Yes, Sir.

“Officer, are you sure it doesn’t stand for asshole?”

Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.

Choose Wisely

Outstanding Coincidences of Words……………..

Hate has 4 letters so does Love………….

Enemies has 7 letters so does Friends……..

Lying has 5 so does Truth………………..

Negative has 8 so does Positive…….

Under has 5 so does Above………………..

Cry has 3 letters so does Joy……….

Anger has 5 letters so does Happy…….

Right has 5 letters so does Wrong…….

Are they by Coincidences??

It means Life is like a Double edged Sword,

We should choose the BETTER SIDE OF LIFE……!!

By the way Manmohan has 8 letters

……………and so does Narendra

Choose Wisely!!

BOSS

The Boss hung a Poster in his Office…..

“I’M THE BOSS, DON’T FORGET AND REMAIN IN YOUR LIMIT”………

He returns from lunch, a slip is on his desk:

Your Wife called, she wants the Poster back at HOME….NOW !!!!

_*full form of SONIA:-

Selling
Our
Nation to
Italy &
America…*_

New word added to English dictionary

: Rupeed (ru-pee-d)-verb
Meaning:- move downward, typically rapidly and freely without control, from a higher level to a lower level.
Usage in sentence " I tripped and rupeed from the stairs"

New word added to English dictionary..
h1. Man-mohan-ed: Verb
Meaning: Silenced by a lady, especially by the self assumed more powerful woman…

Usage: My wife & I had an argument; she yelled & I Manmohaned.

Height of customer care……

Swiss bank opening ATM in Parliament House….

Teacher:
“Where is the CAPITAL of INDIA ?”

Student:
“In Swiss Banks”

Mazedaar story…..

Ek din ek kutta jungle
main raasta
kho gaya.
Tabhi usne dekha ek
sher uskii
taraf aa raha hai. Kutte ki saans ruk
gayi.“Aaj to
kaam tamaam mera!”
Phir usne saamne kuchh
sookhi
haddiyan padi dekhi. Woh aate hue sher ki
taraf peeth
kar ke baith gaya aur
ek sookhi hadii ko
choosne laga
aur zor zor se bolne laga,
“wah! Sher ko khaane
ka mazaa
hi kuch aur hai.
Ek aur mil jaaye to poori
daawat ho jayegi!”.
Aur usne zor se dakaar
mara.
.
Is baar sher soch mein
pad gayaa, Usne socha
“ye kutta to sher ka
shikar karta
hai! Jaan bacha kar
bhago!”
! Ped par baitha ek
Bandar yeh sab
tamasha dekh raha tha.
Usne socha yeh mauka
achha hai
sher ko saari kahani bata deta
hoon isse
sher se dosti ho
jayegi aur zindagi bhar
ke liye
jaan ka khatra dur ho jayega !
.
Woh fatafat sher ke
pichhe
bhaaga.
Kutte ne Bandar ko jaate hue
dekh liya !
.
Udhar Bandar ne sher ko
sab bata
diya ki kaise kutte ne use bewakoof
banaya
hai.
Sher ne zor se kaha,
“chal mere saath abhi
uski leela khatam karta hoon”,
aur Bandar ko apni
peeth par
baitha kar sher kutte ki
taraf
lapka. ! !
Can u imagine the quick
management by the
DOG…
.
Kutte ne sher ko aate dekha to ek
baar phir uskii
taraf peeth karke baith
gaya aur
zor zor se bolne laga

“Is Bandar ko bheje huye 1
ghanta ho gaya,
saala ek sher fasaa kar
nahi la
saka…..!!!

5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is santa singh.
Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.
2000 people leave the room.
Santa singh says to himself, ‘I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose
if I stay. I’ll give it a try’

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100
people may leave.
2000 people leave the room.

Santa singh says to himself ’ I never managed anybody by myself but I have
nothing to lose if I stay.
what can happen to me?’ So he stays…

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.
500 people leave the room.

Santa singh says to himself, ‘I left school at 15 but what have I got to
lose?’ So he stays in the room..

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak, Serbo – Croat to
leave.
498 people leave the room.

Santa singh says to himself, ’ I do not speak one word of Serbo – Croat but what do I have to lose?’
So he stays and finds himself with One other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said ‘Apparently you are the only two
candidates who speak Serbo – Croat, so I’d now like to hear you have a
conversation together in that language.’

Calmly, santa singh turns to the other candidate and says, ’Ki haal hai yara
The other candidate answers ’ wahey guru di mehar hai.

Two lions escape from a zoo. One of the lions
had
been captured from the jungle, so he runs back
to
the jungle. The other was born in the zoo itself -
so
is basically a city-slicker. He vanishes into the
city.
Three days later the jungle-lion is recaptured -
and
returned to the zoo. A month passes, then two,
three….. but city-lion is not traceable! Finally,
after
six months later the city-lion is also recaptured
and
brought back to the zoo.
Jungle-lion is amazed to see his friend. Jungle-
lion: For God’s sake, how were you able to evade
these guys for 6 whole months?!
City-lion: Kuchh nahi yaar! I just went to a
government department, and hid behind a huge
pile
of dusty files that they have there.
Jungle-lion: But what did you eat there? City-
lion:
Arrey, there was an unlimited supply of govt
servants. Whenever I ate one, they hired five
more.
Nobody did any work anyway, so nobody missed
the ones I ate.
Jungle-lion: Wow! But, then how did you get
caught?
City-lion: Galti kar gaya yaar… One day I ate the
chai-walla. The whole office stopped working.
They
launched a massive hunt fr the Chaiwala. And I
got cptured