My Mother Died
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She was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer almost 5 years back. She was a high ranking govt officer and contrary to popular belief she was one of the few who hated corruption to the core even a decade back when she got into such posts. Didn't take anything as bribe even though pressured by ministers and instead got transferred within the corridors of power. Heck, we don't even have a dining table since we always think about costs. I used to be like I can save 500-1000rs on food outside with friends and put it to her medical treatment instead. She sacrificed a lot since she married my alcoholic, manipulative father and went into a life of living hell with daily physical abuse, the likes you wouldn't even have seen on TV. She lost her father, her only supporter in life more than 2 decades ago and my disabled elder brother when he was 19. Her retirement function earlier this year was filled with teary eyed colleagues and juniors and retired seniors. Around that time, her cancer started progressing and nothing worked even though I tried all kinds of treatment.
I'm not a believer in many stuff and call it irrational beliefs. But since she died, there have been so many shocking incidents that I'm now starting to believe in souls and next journeys. She was barely breathing on the morning of the death. I told mom I loved her and she can leave now and I'll look after her grand baby and everything. But she was holding onto life for hours until my dad asked for forgiveness on my insistence (and that he would look after the family finally, even though he did not mean it) when her vitals which were close zero went into the stratosphere and she finally let go of life 10-15 mins later. The docs said she was gone mentally, but the vitals said otherwise in the end.
I used to be miserable and cried everywhere silently for months. She heard me one day when I was on floor of kitchen having a panic attack and told me to sleep in her lap even though she could not even sit properly for a couple of weeks then. She vomited blood one day and I took her to the emergency and docs said she didn't have much time and to stay in hospital until the end. Mom insisted on returning home and I think she stayed back for a few days more just for me. She was always independent and didn't let anyone serve her even on the day before she died. She used to look my elder sister until she was 55 and in the last 2 years people started her calling her grandma. Cancer and chemo truly destroys your body.
On the 5th day after her death, a baby kitten which was breathing exactly like mom appeared and it messed me up. We fed it and it became healthy within a day. On the vaikunta samaradhane day couple of days earlier, my uncle was the last one to pay respects at around 4PM. A few mins later the kitten got killed by an auto who had come to collect the cooking utensils. This has screwed me up in multiple ways. I have stopped crying consciously since I want mom to move on and not stay back. Grief apparently pulls back the departed. But I still wake up crying and shouting with bad dreams now. My thoughts are all jumbled and messed up. I did not convey my intentions properly, but this is the best I can do. Idk what to do with my life anymore. She was my rock, my best friend, my mentor, my everything. And she was the strongest person I had ever seen in my life even before the cancer. Docs were like its a miracle your mother even survived for so long. But I am not ready for her to leave my life. Her body was ravaged with chemo and surgeries. She deserved much much better than what life gave her. Her family turned out to be a bunch of vultures after she got cancer. This is unfair. Sorry if this is not allowed here. I'm just distraught.
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https://www.desidime.com/comments/permalink/10527017
peace to your mother & be respectful to your father(even though what he had done), rest in peace.
https://www.desidime.com/comments/permalink/10527140
Sorry to hear that. Om Shanti 🙏🏻
https://www.desidime.com/comments/permalink/10527386
Om Shanti. Stay strong and look after your family, she would have wanted this only.
https://www.desidime.com/comments/permalink/10527622
Om Shanti 
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Stay strong brother
https://www.desidime.com/comments/permalink/10527758
I don't mean to be insensitive here, but you are trying to fill a hole that her leaving you caused with anything you can find.
It's normal. But in the long term, this will eat you.
Open up with someone you are close to, and let her rest in peace.
https://www.desidime.com/comments/permalink/10527922
Losing a mother is incredibly tough, and I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Your mother exemplified the kind of person you strive to be, and her influence will always be with you. As you navigate through this difficult time, hold on to the values and lessons she imparted. Her legacy lives on through you, and may her memory be a source of strength and comfort.
https://www.desidime.com/comments/permalink/10528137
Be strong bro. Take care of your family. Om Shanthi 
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https://www.desidime.com/comments/permalink/10528488
Mata Rani unhe shaanti aur aapko bahut shakti de
https://www.desidime.com/comments/permalink/10528516
Be strong bro, 2 years back I also passed through the same when my father who was also my only friend passed away, Just think this way that it's the end of pain for the departed soul.
https://www.desidime.com/comments/permalink/10528813
Technically, your mom is still alive biologically within you and your body. I understand that you may not like your father for what he did to your mom, but instead of hating him, YOU should be the one to break the chain and become the person you always wanted to see and be.
https://www.desidime.com/comments/permalink/10529083
Om Shanti!! May her soul attain Moksha!! 🙏🏻
I am deeply sorry to hear about your loss bro. No words can truly heal the pain you're feeling right now but please know that our thoughts and hearts are with you during this incredibly difficult time. Bro I know she was not only your rock but also your best friend, and her love and guidance shaped the amazing person you are today. I believe that her strength and spirit live on within you, and I know you have what it takes to navigate through this grief, even when it feels impossible. If you just want someone to talk to, we are here for you. Take all the time you need to heal, and remember that you are not alone bro. Please stay strong! 🙏🏻
https://www.desidime.com/comments/permalink/10530371
promote peace and unitty
help the needy
you will achieve inner peace
https://www.desidime.com/comments/permalink/10530649
Bro, I know how it feels and how you are feeling right now and also how you will feel in future. I faced this situation many years ago, but still it hurts.
https://telemanas.mohfw.gov.i...me
please save this website. If you have close friends, family members with whom you can share your situation, then share with them. But, if you feel there is no one to support you, Please never hesitate to use this website. You will need it. I know with time everything will be okay, but there will be times when it will be very tough to tolerate everything.
https://www.desidime.com/comments/permalink/10530785
You are the best son she could have asked and prayed for. A part of her continues to live within you and you are closer to her than you think, not in physical form but spiritually and she will continue to look after you from above. Never let go of the values and beliefs she lived by and did her best to pass on to you. Seeing you happy and at peace is all that she would have ever wanted for you. As distraught and draining the last few months have been in particular for you, all the pain your mother would have endured cause of the cancer, she finally got rid of it from the suffering of this physical world. May she rest in peace and wish you all the strength and courage to navigate through this phase of your life. Please feel free to reach out if you feel like talking to someone. Om Shanti.
https://www.desidime.com/comments/permalink/10530815
I’m so sorry for your loss.may her soul rest in peace. stay strong in this difficult time
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DM if you need any support from my end. I m from BLR too.
I am still fumbling with something below.
Firstly, 👩🏻🦳aunty🛐ji still is the rock, pillar of strength, soothing safety net/lap of care that she was for you and your siblings.
In some ways, maybe more than ever NOW.
Yes, I too am uncertain about, nor much into the supernatural or the unknown.
But still, I feel that if aatma/ soul/ rooh exists.. then on a soul to soul level.. now 👩🏻🦳she🙇🏻 is even more closer to your soul and bonded forever.. with the cocoon of her energy around you and your family.
We are all humbled (and trust me even though it is just one user typing this) we ALL feel special that you deemed us worth sharing your core thoughts with us.
Not just in the Covid-19 (pandemic) years, but even earlier.. I have realised that oftentimes one finds it easier to open up to those who are not properly known, to strangers and to those whom one feels.. would not judge us.
You trusted us in this.🤍
Hope we live up to your trust.
Thankfully, as I see, you have come out of the denial phase of grieving and are able to get past the anger or helplessness phase.
🥺😭Five years is a long time and mind somewhat prepares for what is coming.
Thankfully you have you missus, kids and other loved ones to talk to.
So overwhelming and touching that you could have the conversation with 🙇🏻uncle (your father) too.
At such time, reliving past memories and talking one's heart out with those closest to you are the easiest options when one goes through the nightmares, sudden waking up and are otherwise overtaken by sadness.
As you said @G-Gowda ..you have to be like her🛐🙇🏻🤍.
If there is a Supreme Soul (Param Atma) then it created 🙇🏻auntyji🛐 out of itself.
And she🛐 created you.
So all three: Paramatma, you and auntyji are directly connected at the cosmic level.
you have to draw from HER strength.
You have to look at yourselves as her now.
Would she🙇🏻 be broken in such times?
Would she🛐 have given up?
neither can you!
Trust me G-Gowda, I am not at all religious (I might even feel that these are 'constructs' with society evolved.. to 'keep it together') but EVERY single day in the past four years at-least (Covid-19)..I have gone to bed.. begging of the supernatural forces to let me see my folks tomorrow and to keep them safe and secure.. away from harms way, infections, in good physical health, good mental faculties.
And every day, after waking up.. I surrender myself to the same unknown, unseen presence and be thankful.
That 🙇🏻aunty ji🛐 lived a meritorious, principled life.. is SUCH AN inspiration.. for EVERYone who knew her or for those like us who hear about her.
Yes, this life gave her the short end of the stick, but as you too said.. some things are better left beyond our understanding.
She has peace now, and she wishes ALL of you too to have peace, strength.
@G-Gowda 👩🏻🦳auntyji🙇🏻 did her best to lead by example and inculcate the value systems in you, your siblings.
Now... it is YOUR TURN.. to continue the legacy.. but without burdening your children with expectations.
Let time decide, let destiny decide what they shape up as.
Our heartfelt condolences are with your family, her colleagues, friends who too will miss her.
As Santosh mentioned (and I reiterate), we are just a call, ping away in anything that may help you cope.
i lost my mother when i was 18 in 2011. shook my foundations. she left home on 15th of august of that year and never made it home.
there is something i realised right within a year. that life moves on. within a year life was back to normal etc etc.
so now im 32 years old in dec of 2024. i am married and i wanted to marry someone similar to my mum. no two beings are alike but u can try. been blessed.
in the end she is gone. but be the kind of person she wanted u to be.
how u act and talk with everyone in the world is a portrayal of how ur mum ur dad ur teachers ur schools ur friends have shaped u in ur life. do them justice. dont let them down.
also if i could live without my mother,there is nobody or nothing in this world that could spoil my life or mood. i look at it this way now.
live the way she would have wanted u to be. go through the pain. dont avoid it. it will give u experience and knowledge to be better than yourself that you were yesterday.
much love,brother.