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Am I a coward?

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Avant Garde
NobiNobita
Respected Dimers! Yesterday while I was driving my bike with my friend on the back an auto took a U turn.  Little behind the auto a person on his bike standing at the centre of the road to turn. After the auto cleared from my path I didn't realise him and tried to apply both brakes. But unfortunately I hit him straight which made him fall down and his bike above him. My speed was like 35-40. Since mine was not a disk brake, it didn't stop immediately which led to the accident. My friend got down and lifted him who was slightly drunk. Thank God he is not injured. Had only little scratches on his elbow. He seemed like 24-27 years old came right to me and slapped me twice scolding "Bastard don't you have eyes" for which I apologised and replied that the mistake was mine and didn't see him since there was an auto.
    
    Suddenly the local people came and calmed the situation and we left the  scene. This is the first time something terrible like this happened in my life. While explaining this to one of my friends he said if I had a large physique he wouldn't have laid hands on you and insisted that I should have slapped him back. Before telling him what happened I too thought the same but later felt that it would have caused unnecessary issues. Another friend who sat behind me asked what I would have done if the same thing happened if you're traveling with your wife or lover for which I replied that I would've done the same.

  I added that even if the mistake is with the others I will apologize for sorting things out. I'm an introvert with a little circle of friends. I don't want to be involved even in small arguments or violence. He added that no girl will like this kind of person (they are not toxic friends though) and that I should hit him back. This made me feel terribly low about myself but I can console myself that I avoided the problem spreading further by keeping calm. I too was like the rugged boy type while studying middle school but completely changed myself during higher studies and even avoided speaking bad words.

This isn't gonna change anything but did I become a coward ? Should I slapped him back without worrying further?
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Deal Subedar Deal Subedar
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It's understandable that you're feeling conflicted about the situation and the advice you received from your friends. However, let's consider a few important points to help you reflect on your actions and feelings:

1. Safety and Non-Violence: By staying calm and apologizing, you de-escalated a potentially volatile situation. This is a mature and responsible approach, especially given the circumstances where physical retaliation could have led to more serious consequences for everyone involved.

2. Personal Integrity: Your choice to admit fault and apologize, even after being slapped, shows integrity and self-control. It reflects your values of avoiding violence and resolving conflicts peacefully.

3. Different Perspectives: Your friends have their perspectives, but it's important to remember that their advice might be influenced by societal expectations or their own experiences. Reacting with violence, as some might suggest, could have complicated the situation further and possibly involved legal consequences.

4. Self-Respect and Assertiveness: Avoiding violence doesn't mean you're a coward. It shows strength to maintain composure under pressure. If you feel the need to work on assertiveness, it can be done without resorting to physical confrontation. Learning how to set boundaries and stand up for yourself verbally is equally important.

5. Social Expectations: The idea that no girl would like a non-violent person is a harmful stereotype. Many people appreciate and respect partners who handle situations with calmness and maturity rather than aggression.

6. Reflecting on Changes: It's clear you've undergone significant personal growth since your middle school days. Embracing peaceful conflict resolution and avoiding unnecessary arguments or violence are positive changes that contribute to your well-being and the safety of those around you.

To conclude, you did not become a coward. You acted in a way that prevented further harm and conflict, which is commendable. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, maintaining your composure and seeking peaceful solutions will continue to be the right approach. If you feel the need to improve your assertiveness, there are constructive ways to do so, such as communication skills training or assertiveness workshops.

Deal Subedar Deal Subedar
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It's understandable that you're feeling conflicted about the situation and the advice you received from your friends. However, let's consider a few important points to help you reflect on your actions and feelings:

1. Safety and Non-Violence: By staying calm and apologizing, you de-escalated a potentially volatile situation. This is a mature and responsible approach, especially given the circumstances where physical retaliation could have led to more serious consequences for everyone involved.

2. Personal Integrity: Your choice to admit fault and apologize, even after being slapped, shows integrity and self-control. It reflects your values of avoiding violence and resolving conflicts peacefully.

3. Different Perspectives: Your friends have their perspectives, but it's important to remember that their advice might be influenced by societal expectations or their own experiences. Reacting with violence, as some might suggest, could have complicated the situation further and possibly involved legal consequences.

4. Self-Respect and Assertiveness: Avoiding violence doesn't mean you're a coward. It shows strength to maintain composure under pressure. If you feel the need to work on assertiveness, it can be done without resorting to physical confrontation. Learning how to set boundaries and stand up for yourself verbally is equally important.

5. Social Expectations: The idea that no girl would like a non-violent person is a harmful stereotype. Many people appreciate and respect partners who handle situations with calmness and maturity rather than aggression.

6. Reflecting on Changes: It's clear you've undergone significant personal growth since your middle school days. Embracing peaceful conflict resolution and avoiding unnecessary arguments or violence are positive changes that contribute to your well-being and the safety of those around you.

To conclude, you did not become a coward. You acted in a way that prevented further harm and conflict, which is commendable. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, maintaining your composure and seeking peaceful solutions will continue to be the right approach. If you feel the need to improve your assertiveness, there are constructive ways to do so, such as communication skills training or assertiveness workshops.

Pro Tech Guru Pro Tech Guru
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GPT

Blaze Blaze
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@NobiNobita One requires inner strength to stay calm when the other person is in rage. You definitely have a lot of it. plus1

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Deal Cadet Deal Cadet
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Just go with flow.. here no one is coward.. situation and responsibilities make you feel like that thats it.. on february i hit a old lady with my car. on national highway she suddenly came in between in the baricaded zone.. still i tried to miss her but one corner edge of my car hit her. few more milli seconds might stop that accident.. locals gathered and they appreciated me for avoiding as much as possible but no on is ready to give their contact numbers in case of emergency. Finally i only took her and joined her in the hospital and paid for little medical expenses.. but their relatives came and demanded more money and started threatning me.. doctor understood the situation and told me go from there. i went to near by police station and let my car and went to home. after 2 days car got released. but they gave complaint as i came on one way with hevay speed and hit her.. chargesheet yet to file.. here no matter what good or bad you did.. they will drag you in to the shi***.. so what ever you did is wise.. no need to feel about it..

Deal Cadet Deal Cadet
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My bad luck is my car does not have dash came. it might have saved me from the case

Pro DealBaba Pro DealBaba
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Involve in some fruitful work you are thinking too much about yourself 

Heart of Gold Heart of Gold
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No,you are not a coward instead you are really powerful.

See power is not in showing to others, power means how u avoid or resolve conflicts.

Your body, mind made u took the right decision.

Come out from a guilt trip and move on.

Deal Cadet Deal Cadet
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Overthinking is a speciality of introverts. You did what you considered best in the situation. Everyone wants to prove themselves as the hero even in situations that don't demand heroism. If someone asks/begs for your help and you still don't help them, thinking that my life is more important, then you are a coward. But in this case your behaviour was very mature cos you may have thought that the person is hurt(even if it wasn't ur mistake) and cos of compassion, you apologized. In short u are a kind and compassionate person and not a coward

As far as girls choosing u is concerned, bad girls (the ones you will read about in the lawyer lady's twitter handle) would have wanted you to slap the guy, beat him up and go to jail. And if u would have done that then they would take u to darker worlds to prove ur heroism(eg drugs, gambling etc.) and if u wouldn't, then they would leave you to find another bakra eg. a certain actor who died being in company of such a woman.

Good girls will always support what u have done. This I can vouch for being a girl myself. So don't trust ur friends on this.

Since u are kind and compassionate, you may find a good girl who will bring happiness into ur lif if u just have patience and perseverance.

Don't be sad and stop overthinking over petty issues in life

Deal Subedar Deal Subedar
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@NobiNobita - What you did is commendable as its difficult to be calm, composed in a situation where someone else is at fault. 

If you beat the shit out of idiots, you basically drop yourself down to their level. You had the courage to stay to your 'level' in such a situation. 🙌🏼

Generous Generous
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Actually , we all react acc to our inner thoughts , if we are going through a calm set of mind , we do not react fiercely or aggressively, we try to avoid causing any scene . 

If our life has a series of events , that has caused a lot of fumes in us , our psychology gets built in such a way that even a slight provocation causes us to behave in a rash way . 

We all react acc to our life events , we all change acc to life stages . It's a cumulative effect of the life we are living . So , just learn from each stage , let our life shape us and become what we ought to become . Active / passive /! aggressive/ rash . ...just a phase , everything Fades in life 

Deal Subedar Deal Subedar
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First of all, sorry you got slapped! That's a rude shock when it happens.

As an introvert myself I can tell from personal experience.

You are not a coward.

"How different you were back in the day"

Every introvert has a story like this. It's not we became cowards as we grow up.

Introverts have a strong sense of right and wrong.

We grow and leave behind what we think as bad qualities(bullying, hitting people, using abusive language etc.,) because of our introspective nature.

While we are bettering ourselves because of our sensitive nature, Most men never mentally mature past the age of 13. They always behave like a teenager no consideration for others.

What's worse is , the world always make us feel like we are less than. Like we are not men.

And we torture ourselves thinking about how we should have behaved in situations like this for years. Like you would still think about something that happened ten years ago and feel bad about not reacting a certain way.

Give yourself a break, my friend. You did nothing wrong! Don't feel bad about it!

Get yourself some popcorn and your favourite cool drink, watch your favourite comedy alone in your room. You deserve something nice today!
Helpful Helpful
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I have been in these situations many times but i never let anyone touch me. Dhakka mukki zauru hui. If anyone try to hit me ill break his ribs apart because if i don't do anything i will never can sleep again. Get a self defence thing with you. I too have below if i get someone taller then me.

Also if you got no guts to hit someone get a pepper spray.

Note: Passerby never helps all just see tamasha.

https://www.amazon.in/self-defence-stick/s?k=se...

Deal Subedar Deal Subedar
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No brother, you are not coward.,., you are in your senses that what is right or wrong. I really appreciate your decision.

Super Stud Super Stud
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Sorry, I have not read the text. But don't be Nobita.

Deal Cadet Deal Cadet
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success is best revenge 

just focus on study or whatever ur aim is.

in few years be successful & move along with your kafila

 take steps or help others so this is not repeated

be at peace as the unknown mystery above records all deeds & no one goes unpunished 

Deal Subedar Deal Subedar
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@NobiNobita  what would you call yourself had you slapped him right back.... do some introspection and you will get the answer... think of his situation when he slapped you (in the moment rage).... and are you now able to really forgive him because that requires REAL courage. 

Generous Generous
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That's maturity 👏  not cowardnes

Deal Cadet Deal Cadet
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You are not a coward. You've a strong mind, stay like that. Take care. 

Deal Subedar Deal Subedar
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You did the right thing by staying calm in the heat of the moment, although he should not have slapped you. That was very wrong.

Deal Lieutenant Deal Lieutenant
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its the right decision when the wrong is on our side, keep your head high its not coward your are realizing the situation:) and acting based on whats good smile


and regarding that girl thing, they dont have to 'like you" or "dislike you" based on just this, there are lot of things in life for a girl to like a person:) especially not this of showcasing braveness by brutally AS SHOWN IN INDIAN MOVIES smile 

Deal Cadet Deal Cadet
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You hit him with your bike, he slapped you. End of transactions. No need to further add by more violence. You paid price of your actions, that's it. Count yourself lucky that it was a drunkard and not a small child or elder person, else the crowd too would get involved.

Deal Cadet Deal Cadet
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Ye jo last line likhi hai rugged vali

"I too was like the rugged boy type while studying middle school but completely changed myself during higher studies and even avoided speaking bad words"

Ye relatable hai ekdum. Responsible aadmi ho tum. Maybe the change happened due to shouldering of responsibilities you might be having.

Remember one thing in this incident that you are a well read person and have a bright future ahead and the other person was a low-life drunkard who has nothing to lose.

Isliye koi sawaal hi ni hai ki tumne sahi kiya ya galat. You did the right thing. Gandagi se door rehne ka. 

Deal Cadet Deal Cadet
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It is not advisable to engage in road rage incidents. I have witnessed several instances where my colleagues were hospitalized due to such altercations. Therefore, it is prudent to avoid confrontations and maintain a professional demeanor while on the road.

Delhi, NCR, haryana, western UP are worst cities in terms of patience. Literally, every person from these cities are ready to fight even over small thing. It is advisable to tackle such situation by logically.
Brand Enthusiast Brand Enthusiast
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Staying calm on situation like this is difficult but you did it.Hats off to you bro

@NobiNobita

Analyst Analyst
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No... you're not a coward... Winner trophy raised_hands

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