Children & Beer

A handful of 7 year old children were asked what they thought of beer.
There were some interesting responses, but the last one is especially touching.

‘I think beer must be good.
My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mum gets.’
—Tim, 7 years old

‘Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want
on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice.’
—Melanie, 7 years old

‘My Mum and Dad both like beer. My Mum gets funny when she drinks it and
takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn’t think this is very funny.’
—Grady, 7 years old

‘’My Mum and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink
the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.’
—Toby, 7 years old

‘My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny.
He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn’t have too much.
—Sarah, 7 years old

‘My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances.
One time he danced right into the pool.’
—Lily, 7 years old

‘I don’t like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it,
he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting.’
—Ethan, 7 years old

‘I give Dad’s beer to the dog and he goes to sleep.’
—Shirley, 7 years old

AND THE BEST RESPONSE

‘My Mum drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father.
Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go
bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn’t make any sense.’
—Jack, 7 years

True confessions

This has to do with drinking and driving.

As you know some of us have had brushes with the authorities over the years.

The other night I was out for dinner with a few friends.

After consuming too much Wine I did something I’ve never done before.

Believe it or not, I took a bus home.

Yes, a bus !!!!

I arrived home safely and without incident.

This was really a surprise to me since I have never driven a bus before.

McQuillan

McQuillan the Irishman walked into a bar and ordered Martini after Martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
“S’cuse me”, said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, “what was that all about?"
“Nothin’ ", said the Irishman, “me wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!”
***********************************************
h4. The Lost Luggage

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks.
An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.
“No,” replied the Irishman. “I’ve lost all me luggage!”
“How’d that happen?”
“The cork fell out!” said the Irishman.

The fall

Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily.
Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.
“Please Lord,” he implored, “let it be blood!!”

You’ve Been Drinking Again

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.
The bartender finally said that the bar was closing, so, the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face.
He tried to stand one more time; same result.
He figured he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again, so he decided to crawl the four blocks home.
He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, “SO
YOU’VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!”
Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he said, “What makes you say that?”
“The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again

A tribute to Patiala peg

I never take risk while drinking

When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking

I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen

I enter the house

Take out the bottle from my black cupboard

Shivaji Maharaj is looking at me from the photo frame

But still no one is aware of it

Becoz I never take a risk

I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink

Quickly enjoy one peg

Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack

Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard

Shivaji Maharaj is giving a smile

I peep into the kitchen

Wife is cutting potatoes

No one is aware of what I did

Becoz I never take a risk

I: Any news on Chopra’s daughter’s marriage

Wife: Nope, she doesn’t seem to be that lucky. Still they are looking out for her

I again come out; there is a small noise of the black cupboard

But I don’t make any sound while taking out the bottle

I take out the glass from the old rack above sink

Quickly enjoy one peg

Wash the bottle and keep it in the sink

Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard

But still no one is aware of what I did

Becoz I never take a risk

I: But still I think Chopra’s daughter’s age is not that much

Wife: What are you saying? She is 35 yrs old… Like an aged horse

I: (I forgot her age is 35) Oh Oh…

I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard

But the cupboard’s place has automatically changed

I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in the sink

Shivaji Maharaj laughs loudly

I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash Shivaji Maharaj’s photo & keep

It in the black cupboard

Wife is keeping the sink on the stove

But still no one is aware of what I did

Becoz I never take a risk

I: (getting angry) you call Mr. Chopra a horse? If you say that again,

I will cut your tongue…!

Wife: Don’t just blabber something, go out and sit quietly…

I take out the bottle from the potatoes

Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg

Wash the sink and keep it over the rack

Wife is giving a smile

Shivaji Maharaj is still cooking

But still no one is aware of what I did

Becoz I never take a risk

I: (laughing) So Chopra is marrying a horse!!

Wife: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face…

I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the rack

Stove is also on the rack

There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside

I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink

But none of the horses are aware of what I did

Becoz Shivaji Maharaj never takes a risk

Chopra is still cooking

And I am looking at my wife from the photo and laughing

Becoz I never take Risk …

@B@R_0_0_D wrote:@

h1. A tribute to Patiala peg


I never take risk while drinking

When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking

I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen

I enter the house

Take out the bottle from my black cupboard

Shivaji Maharaj is looking at me from the photo frame

But still no one is aware of it

Becoz I never take a risk

I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink

Quickly enjoy one peg

Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack

Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard

Shivaji Maharaj is giving a smile

I peep into the kitchen

Wife is cutting potatoes

No one is aware of what I did

Becoz I never take a risk

I: Any news on Chopra’s daughter’s marriage

Wife: Nope, she doesn’t seem to be that lucky. Still they are looking out for her

I again come out; there is a small noise of the black cupboard

But I don’t make any sound while taking out the bottle

I take out the glass from the old rack above sink

Quickly enjoy one peg

Wash the bottle and keep it in the sink

Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard

But still no one is aware of what I did

Becoz I never take a risk

I: But still I think Chopra’s daughter’s age is not that much

Wife: What are you saying? She is 35 yrs old… Like an aged horse

I: (I forgot her age is 35) Oh Oh…

I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard

But the cupboard’s place has automatically changed

I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in the sink

Shivaji Maharaj laughs loudly

I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash Shivaji Maharaj’s photo & keep

It in the black cupboard

Wife is keeping the sink on the stove

But still no one is aware of what I did

Becoz I never take a risk

I: (getting angry) you call Mr. Chopra a horse? If you say that again,

I will cut your tongue…!

Wife: Don’t just blabber something, go out and sit quietly…

I take out the bottle from the potatoes

Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg

Wash the sink and keep it over the rack

Wife is giving a smile

Shivaji Maharaj is still cooking

But still no one is aware of what I did

Becoz I never take a risk

I: (laughing) So Chopra is marrying a horse!!

Wife: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face…

I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the rack

Stove is also on the rack

There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside

I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink

But none of the horses are aware of what I did

Becoz Shivaji Maharaj never takes a risk

Chopra is still cooking

And I am looking at my wife from the photo and laughing

Becoz I never take Risk …

BOTTLES DIKHA K MANN LALCHA DIA…

UPAR SE SHAAM KA TIME