ઉપ્વાસ ऊप्वास Upvas

Upvas in new style :

Living 1 day without :

Facebook

Electricity

Internet

Tv

BBM

Whatsapp

Ye upvas kar ke dekho,

Bhagwan dharti par aake kahenge:

‘Bas kar pagle ab rulayega kya?’

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.
The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the catholic hospital.
A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen.
She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, “no health insurance.”
The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”
He replied, “No money in the bank.”
Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.
He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to god.”
The patient replied:
Perfect, please send the bill to my brother-in-law, he loves me!

Mohammad’s first day at school

Mohammad entered his classroom on the first day of school.

“What’s your name?” asked the teacher.
“Mohammad,” he replied.
“You’re in Australia now,” replied the teacher, “So from now on you will be known as Kevin.”

Mohammad returned home after school.
“How was your day, Mohammad?” his mother asked.
“My name is not Mohammad. I’m in Australia and now my name is Kevin.”
“Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonour your parents, your heritage, and your religion? Shame on you!”
And his mother beat him. Then she called his father, who beat him again.

The next day Mohammad returned to school. The teacher saw all of his bruises.
“What happened to you, Kevin?” she asked.
“Well miss, shortly after becoming an Australian, I was attacked by two f_ _ _ing Arabs.”

>
>
> 1. A student’s leave letter:
> “As I am suffering from my uncle’s marriage I cannot attend the class….”
>
> -—————————————————————
> 2. A candidate’s application:
> "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ‘typist And an accountant – Male or Female’… As I am both for the past
> Several years and I can handle both; I am applying for the post.
> -—————————————————————
>
> 3. I.T.I., Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
> Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife.
> Please sanction me one-week leave.
> -—————————————————————
>
> 4. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
> “Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may
> not return, please grant me half day casual leave”
> -—————————————————————
>

Pretty cute!!!!!!!!!——————-

This should Make All Grandpas Feel All Warm and Fuzzy

A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa. When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa’s room. “Grandpa, Grandpa,” she says excitedly, “as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!”

“What?” said her Grandpa.

“Make a noise like a frog because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Disney World!”

A Guy had A Crush On This Girl. He Follows Her Wherever She Goes.
One Day The Girl Noticed Asked The Guy-

Girl- Why Do You Keep On Following Me ?

Boy- Becoz You are So Pretty And I Think I am Falling In Love With You.

Girl- Really ? But You Have NotMet My Friend Yet,
She Is Prettier Than Me And She Is Right Behind You. ( The Guy Looked Behind Him But Found No One. )

Boy- Are You Making Fun Of Me ?
There Is No One Behind Me.

Girl- No, But If You Really Love Me, You Wont Look Back.

Ghostly Shot

However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, clanking chains et al. He told the ghost “I mean no harm- I just want your photograph.”

The ghost was quite happy at this chance to make the headlines – he posed for a number of ghostly shots.

The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room, and began developing the photos. Unfortunately, they turned out to be black and underexposed.

So what’s the moral of the story?

The spirit was willing but the flesh was weak.

Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly
jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, ‘Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love… I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’

Edna replied,
h1. ‘He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?’

I like it much

THERE IS SOMEBODY UNDER MY BED !

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I’VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A PSYCHIATRIST AND TOLD HIM ’I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.’
‘Just put yourself in my hands for one year,’ said the psychiatrist. ‘Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.’
‘How much do you charge?’
‘Eighty dollars per visit,’ replied the doctor.
’I’ll sleep on it and if needed I will come back to you,’ I said.
Six months later the Psychiatrist met me on the street.
‘Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?’ he asked.
‘Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new SUV.
’Is that so!’ With a bit of an attitude he said, ‘and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?’
‘He told me to cut the legs off the bed – ain’t nobody under there now!

SO, GO HAVE A DRINK TALK TO YOUR BAR TENDER.
There is always another way to solve a problem.