Corporate Jokes (To make us light)

Rezimay

Deer Sur,

I waunt to apply for the secritary job I seen in the
Paper. I can type real kwik wit one finggar and do
Sum Acounting 2.
I think I am good on the fone and I am a pepole
Person. Pepole really seam to respond good to me.

I’m lookin for a jobb as a secritary but it Kant be 2
Complikaited

My spelling is not 2 good but find that I awfin get a
Job Bcuz of my persinalety..

My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want
To pay me and wat you think that I am wurth,

I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse 4 yore
Anser.

Hopifuly I M Yore best aplicant so phar.

Sinseerly,

Peggy May McBiggins

PS : I half includeded a
Pickture of me B low.

XYZ

Dear Peggy May

Start on Monday.

Court Jester v Prime Minister

From “The Professional” by Subroto Bagchi.

School Discipline

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. He wore it under his shirt and it was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt,

he found himself assigned to the toughest class in the school.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times.

While working at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class become more unmanageable.

Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places. Discipline was not a problem from that day forth

I have always been fascinated by the economics of haircutting, not least because quality is invariant to price.

At a 5-star saloon, you can pay as much as Rs 1,500 for a haircut of indifferent quality whereas a fellow under the tree — one or two whom I have tried — can give you a superb cut and make you feel great for just Rs 15.

Clearly, skills don’t come into it at all, and it is only overheads that create the ambience that matter.

Cutting questions

Having studied location theory under the great Mrinal Dutta-Chaudhuri, the location of barber-shops has also been a matter of great interest to me. How do barbers decide where they will locate their shops?

Many markets have none at all and others have as many as two or three. The differentiator, of course, is the ambience: a/c, non-a/c, fancy chair, wooden chair, clean towels, dirty towels and so on.

There are many other mysteries. For example:

 Why are barbers’ shops not more widely dispersed, say, like ice-cream vendors on a beach who, except when there are three of them, will locate at equal distances from each other?

 Also, surely, if, with population growth, the demand for everything else is going up why is the supply of barbers not keeping pace? (The price of a haircut would not increase if it was keeping pace).

 How does a barber decide on the optimum number of chairs in his saloon? Does he provide for peak loading on a weekend or only for off-peak loading on weekdays?

 How many barbers should be on duty on weekends and weekdays?

 Is mechanised cutting better than the old fashioned way with scissors and comb?

 How much time does mechanisation save per chair?

 Why does a haircut cost only a quarter of a head massage or shampoo?

 Why does a mere trim cost the same as a crew-cut?

Quote

“A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks”

~Charles Gordy

SAD but TRUE

• *

‘‘I follow the

footsteps of a man

called Mahatma.

• *

But I have loved the

teacher more than

*his teaching.’’ *

See how co. follow the national duty with silent protest ?

Air Passenger Duty – A message from – Virgin Atlantic

Dear xxxxxx,

It’s hard to believe we’re half way through the year already.

From Vancouver and Cancun inaugurals to the launch of our new Upper Class Suite, we are working around the clock to make flying with Virgin Atlantic more enjoyable than ever. I’m delighted to have announced an additional service to New York (our 6th daily flight) and our return to Mumbai with significantly improved departure times from October. With brand new Clubhouses in New York, new aircraft and our award winning service at Heathrow, there won’t be a better way to fly between London and New York. Our Mumbai service, alongside Delhi, opens up new opportunities for our Indian and American passengers to fly via Heathrow and brings much needed competition to this important business route for consumers.

As we enter the hectic summer season when your thoughts might be turning to holidays, I wanted to take the opportunity to contact you about an issue that affects all our passengers, particularly our valued Flying Club members – UK Air Passenger Duty.

Air Passenger Duty, or APD for short, is the tax you have to pay every time you fly from a UK airport. Introduced in the 1990s, over the last six years APD rates have gone through the roof for long-haul travel. A family of four flying in Economy to the Caribbean in 2006 paid £80 tax. From April this year they have to pay £324, and if they were to travel in Premium Economy or Upper Class they would have to pay £648.

APD has now the dubious distinction of being the highest air passenger tax in the world. I know these rate increases have had a big impact on our customers. In 2006 our passengers paid £55 million to the Treasury. By last year that figure had jumped to almost £200 million!

The Government is facing an enormous economic challenge and we understand the need to reduce the deficit. Tax revenues are inevitably part of that solution but we also need economic growth. Air travel can play a huge part in driving that growth by connecting businesses and bringing in overseas visitors. Our fear is that at the current levels APD is damaging the UK’s competitiveness, holding back the economy and doing more damage than the revenue received.

We have taken every opportunity to highlight the cost of high APD to our passengers, our business, and the UK economy as a whole, sadly with limited effect. We refuse to give up, but we need your help.

We are supporting a new Fair Tax on Flying campaign that is encouraging people to email their MP to register their opposition to high flying taxes. If you share our concerns, please take a moment to visit www.afairtaxonflyi...rg and make your voice heard. I have, and it takes just 15 seconds to do (the text of an email is already written, you just need to enter your postcode and send it).

Thanks for your continued support and we look forward to seeing you onboard soon.

@B@R_0_0_D wrote:@

Air Passenger Duty – A message from – Virgin Atlantic

barood man

first impression on this post

after that

Hiring only Married Men!

A factory had a policy of hiring only married men.

Concerned about this, a local Woman’s Liberation Front Leader called on the CEO and asked him,

“Why is it you limit your employees to married men? It must be because you consider us

women are weak, dumb, cantankerous or do you consider us as tantrum throwers, bossy, etc?"

“Not at all, Ma’am,” the CEO replied.

“It is because our policy is to hire staff
-Who are used to obeying orders without questioning,
-Who are accustomed to being shoved around,
-Know how to keep their mouths shut and
-Put up with anything when I yell at them

And we can find these qualities only in married men."

You are the President

You don’t have to be phenomenally wealthy to run for the office of the President of India. You don’t need to court voters in US-style primaries, nor shake hands, do namastes, wear funny hats, or kiss babies. You don’t even have to meet those who will vote for you—the legislators and parliamentarians of India. You need to stay focused on whatever job you are doing, and await your party high command to choose you—and only after that your rivals will name their candidate, and then there may be a contest, if it can be called one.

And the reason you are chosen has less to do with your capability to act as the conscience-keeper of the Constitution, or as one who can assess the laws that the people’s representatives pass are in line with the Constitution. Nor does your selection have to do with any requirement that you have a broad knowledge of Indian history or its relations with its neighbours or the great powers or even of the global economy, particularly why some countries grow and others don’t. It is unlikely that you have ever said anything even remotely memorable, that students can rattle off with ease, about any major issue concerning the country or the world. Competent you have to be, though based on criteria nobody knows and you should be willing to carry out procedures properly, looking suitably dignified.

You are not required to rouse the nation on Independence Day with an address—the prime minister does that—and you must brave the Delhi winter to see the Republic Day parade, which is spectacular, but better watched on a large screen television in the warm comfort of your home.

Be prepared that even your deputy will get more mileage—he or she gets televized as he or she must chair the Rajya Sabha, the so-called upper house full of indirectly elected politicians who’d lose in any direct Lok Sabha election (like you might, no offence meant), but some of whom still act as though they represent the mango man, otherwise known as aam aadmi. You also get a large house; you get to travel abroad, but can’t pick the countries you want to visit.
There are a few occasions when what you do becomes important. For example, if the government passes a controversial law that other well-meaning citizens don’t like and lobby you against, then you are expected to make up your mind. Like an irate customer at a restaurant, you can send it back—and then eat the humble pie when it comes back pretty much the same way, but may be in a different font. Or, you can pardon a death row prisoner. (Here, follow the outgoing President’s great precedent and grant those pardons—civilized nations don’t execute people).

And the other time when you may have to act is when you have to decide who should form the government after election results are out. Here, you can blame those pesky voters whom you don’t have to woo. They stopped voting large majorities —the last time any single party got the majority on its own was 28 years ago and millions of voters have never known such stability. Annoyingly enough, they will give mixed verdicts. More annoyingly, parties will not have decided who their prime ministerial candidate should be. They may even change alliance partners after elections. If Bertolt Brecht was around, he’d have offered the solution: elect a different people. But you don’t have that luxury and you will perforce be expected to invite the folks who chose you as their candidate for this august office, even though the election will be in July. Which is why, the one skill you must demonstrate most is to conceal your independent mind—if you have one. Giani Zail Singh did that very well, but then revealed an independent mind. Most unsporting of him.

It is an easy job. Some people call it the rubber stamp position, which required you to remove unruly state governments. But you needn’t worry about that—only a strong-willed prime minister would demand that, and the last time that happened, India had black-and-white television, and it was Rs.18 to a dollar, or something like that. There was that great cartoon by Abu Abraham, which showed Fakhruddin Ali Ahmed asking the officials to wait till he had come out of his bath before he could sign more ordinances. That shows work ethic.

If you win, it will be preordained, for nobody defies party whips. And if rivals drop out, you will live under the illusion that there’s national consensus that you are the best person to be President. No; you are the least likely to disrupt the status quo that the current establishment wants.

That’s the job description of a humble obedient servant and politics is all about being a public servant.

Salil Tripathi is a writer based in London.

Professional ? -- consultant ??

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road.

Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.

The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the shepherd,

‘If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?’

The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies, ‘Okay.’

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Website, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot tables. He then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer, turns to the shepherd and says,

‘You have exactly 1,586 sheep.’

The shepherd cheers, ’That’s correct, you can have your sheep.’

The young man takes one of the animals from the flock and puts it in the back of his Porsche.

The shepherd looks at him and asks, ‘If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?’

The young man answers, ‘Yes, why not?’

The shepherd says, ‘You are an auditor.’

‘How did you know?’ asks the young man.

‘Very simple,’ answers the shepherd. ‘

Firstly, you came here without being wanted.

Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew.

Thirdly, you don’t understand anything about my business….’

‘…..Now can I have my dog back?’

• CONVERSATION IN GENERAL*

1.“We will do it” means “You will do it”

2.“You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you”

3.“We are working on it” means “We have not yet started working on the same”

4.“Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means "Its not getting done “At least not tomorrow!”

5.“After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means “I have already decided, I will tell you what to do”

6.“There was a slight miscommunication” means “We had actually lied”

7.“Lets call a meeting and discuss” means “I have no time now, will talk later”

8.“We can always do it” means “We actually cannot do the same on time”

9.“We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” means “The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”

10."We had slight differences of opinion "means “We had actually fought”

11.“Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you” means “Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me”

12.“You should have told me earlier” means “Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!”

13.“We need to find out the real reason” means “Well I will tell you where your fault is”

14.“Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected,” means, “Well you know…”

15.“We are a team,” means, “I am not the only one to be blamed”

16.“That’s actually a good question” means “I do not know anything about it”

_*17.“All the Best” means "You are in trouble*

:lol: lol.gif" alt=“lol” border=“0”/>

TRUE STORY FROM Rolls Royce’s OWN MAGAZINE

Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!! (true story)

Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the Windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer’s back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.

*You’re going to love this……

Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:

“Defrost the chicken.”*

Mr. Patel who had been called to testify at the Income Tax Department asked his accountant, Mr Shah, for advice on what to wear on the occasion.” Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper," the accountant replied.
Then he asked his lawyer, Mr Butch, the same question, but got the opposite advice.“Don’t let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.”

Confused, Mr. Patel, went to his pundit Joshi; told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution on the dilemma.

“Let me tell you a story,” replied pundit Joshi. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night.’ Wear a heavy, Punjabi suit with a nice long dupatta,’ But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. ‘Wear your most revealing negligee, a nice V-neck.’

Confused, Mr Patel asked, “What does all this have to do with my problem with the Income Tax Department?”

“Simple,” replied Joshi Maharaj “It doesn’t matter what you wear, you’re still going to get screwed.”

*Idi Amin Dada

Ahhhh he was man of very high capacity !!!*

One day, Field Marshal Idi Amin (RIP) went for a drink with his ministers at Club Obbligato.

After a few hours of drinking Amin calls the waiter to bring the bill:

AMIN – Shs 500,000

MUSOKE – Shs. 150,000

MAYANJA – Shs.100, 000

ISIKO – Shs. 160,000

ISAAC – Shs.135, 000

TOTAL – Shs.1, 045,000

Idi Amin shouted:
Hey man, I will pay for everyone else but TOTAL must pay for himself.
I didn’t invite him, plus he owns a lot of petrol stations and garages! (i.e. ‘TOTAL’).

Recovery agents

A Boy swallows 3 coins while playing.

His father starts slapping on his back.

Boy coughs out 2 coins but still was choking.

Father shouts 4 help.

A Woman, in a Business Suit, saw it & casually pulls down Boys Pants;

Catches his testicles & Squeezes & then twists them;

1st gently then Tighter!!

Finally the Boy,

Screaming in Pain,

Coughs out Last Coin.

Father thanks her & asks R U a Doctor?

‘NO’, replies Woman,

I’m with Bank Loan Recovery Department..!

Sleepy woman’s epic 18-hr flight after she misses stop
Pakistan International Airlines officials are investigating how a French woman could have taken a flight from Lahore to Paris and slept while the plane stopped for two hours at the French capital. The woman did not get off the plane and flew back to Lahore.

Wednesday, August 22nd 2012, 01:26 PM

A London-bound state-run Pakistan International Airlines (PIA) plane taxies before take-off from Karachi International Airport in Karachi on April 21, 2010.
A French woman endured an 18-hour journey from the Pakistani city of Lahore to Paris and back again after sleeping through her plane’s stop in the French capital, officials said on Wednesday.

Pakistan International Airlines (PIA) are investigating how ground crew failed to notice the woman during the plane’s two-hour stopover at Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris.

The woman, named as Patrice Christine Ahmed, who is married to a Pakistani, left Lahore at noon on Tuesday to fly to Paris via Milan, but did not wake up to get off the plane, airline spokesman Sultan Hasan told AFP.

The woman did not mention her mistake to cabin crew and the matter only came to light when she was stopped by immigration officials on arrival back in Lahore on Wednesday morning — after a 12,000-kilometre (7700-mile) round trip.

Hasan said PIA were investigating the incident and the French subcontractor responsible for passenger handling in Paris.

“We have put questions to this French firm also about the incident but it is also the responsibility of the passenger to disembark at the destination,” he said.

“It is a passenger’s responsibility to check about the destination and disembark when the plane arrives at the particular airport.”

PIA later arranged to send the woman back to Paris with another airline because none of its own flights were available, but said that the party responsible for the negligence will pay for the extra ticket.

“It depends who is at fault. If it is a mistake by the local firm, they will pay and if the woman herself is responsible than she will have to bear the cost,” Hasan said.

Read more: http://india.nydailynews.com/newsarticle/5034f3…

The Goat and the Horse!!!

A Story with a moral

Give it a thought…..read till the end…

The Goat and the Horse!!!

There was a farmer who had a horse and a goat.
One day, the horse became ill and he called the veterinary.
The Vet said:
Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days.
I’ll come back on the 3rd day and if he’s not better, we’re going to have to put him down.
Nearby, the goat listened closely to their conversation.
The next day, they gave him the medicine and left.
The goat approached the horse and said:
Be strong, my friend. Get up or else they’re going to put you to sleep!
On the second day, they gave him the medicine and left.
The goat came back and said:
Come on buddy, get up or else you’re going to die! Come on, I’ll help you get up. Let’s go! One, two, three….
On the third day, they came to give him the medicine and the vet said:
Unfortunately, we’re going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses.
After they left, the goat approached the horse and said:
Listen pal, it’s now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That’s it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three… Good, good. Now faster, come on…… Fantastic! Run, run more! Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you’re a champion!!!
All of a sudden, the owner came back, saw the horse running in the field and began shouting:
It’s a miracle! My horse is cured. We must have a grand party. Let’s kill the goat!!!!

The Lesson:
This often happens in the workplace. Nobody truly knows which employee actually deserves the merit of success, or who’s actually contributing the necessary support to make things happen.

Remember………LEARNING TO LIVE WITHOUT RECOGNITION IS A SKILL!!!!

If anyone ever tells you that your work is unprofessional, remember:
Amateurs built the Ark [which saved all the species] and Professionals built the Titanic [all died tragically].

.

In the wonderland of modern management

Every day, a small ant arrives at work very early and starts work immediately.
She produces a lot and she was happy.

The Chief, a lion, was surprised to see that the ant was working without supervision.
He thought if the ant can produce so much without supervision, wouldn’t she produce even more if she had a supervisor!

So he recruited a cockroach who had extensive experience as supervisor and who was famous for writing excellent reports.
The cockroach’s first decision was to set up a clocking in attendance system.

He also needed a secretary to help him write and type his reports and he recruited a spider, which managed the archives and monitored all phone calls.

The lion was delighted with the cockroach’s reports and asked him to produce graphs to describe production rates and to analyse trends, so that he could use them for presentations at Board‘s meetings. So the cockroach had to buy a new computer and a laser printer and recruited a fly to manage the IT department.

The ant, who had once been so productive and relaxed, hated this new plethora of paperwork and meetings which used up most of her time…!

The lion came to the conclusion that it was high time to nominate a person in charge of the department where the ant worked.

The position was given to the cicada, whose first decision was to buy a carpet and an ergonomic chair for his office.

The new person in charge, the cicada, also needed a computer and a personal assistant, who he brought from his previous department, to help him prepare a Work and Budget Control Strategic Optimisation Plan.

The Department where the ant works is now a sad place, where nobody laughs anymore and everybody has become upset.

It was at that time that the cicada convinced the boss, the lion, of the absolute necessity to start a climatic study of the environment.

Having reviewed the charges for running the ant’s department, the lion found out that the production was much less than before.

So he recruited the owl, a prestigious and renowned consultant to carry out an audit and suggest solutions.

*The owl spent three months in the department and came up with an enormous report, in several volumes, that concluded: “The department is overstaffed …”
Guess who the lion fires first?

The ant, of course, because she “showed lack of motivation and had a negative attitude”.

You must have seen so many ants and you may be one among them

NB:
The characters in this fable are fictitious; any resemblance to real people or facts within the Corporation is pure coincidence…*

Nice Jokes B@R_0_0_D Bhai:-}

Pilot Getting Lessons
=======

During a commercial airline flight a retired Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.

When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began feeding the infant.

The Pilot pretended not to notice and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.

When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded,
“Gosh, that’s a good looking baby…and he sure was hungry!”

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her paediatrician asked for this as would help alleviate the pressure in the baby’s ears.

The ex-Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed:
“And all these years……We’ve been chewing gum.”

Hanumanji’s TA Bill

After the war, Hanumanji submitted his T.A. Bill for his official tour for collecting Sanjeevani Booti to Ayodhya administration. The LDC (Lower Division Clerk) in T.A. Bill section raised 3 objections:

(1) Hanumanji did not take prior permission of the appropriate authority (Bharat), the King of Ayodhya, during the relevant time for his travel;

(2) Hanumanji being Grade-D officer was not entitled to air travel;

(3) Hanumanji was asked to bring Sanjeevani Booti, just a single plant, but he carried a whole mountain (unauthorized excess baggage).

The LDC returned the bill. King Ram could do nothing except mark it down for re-examination.

A worried Laxman approached the LDC and offered a bribe of 10% of the T.A. Bill amount. The LDC now wrote on the Bill:

Re-examined:

1. Even during the relevant time, Ram was the de-jure king through his Paduka.

2. Further in an emergency, non-entitled officers can be authorized ex-post facto to fly.

3. Also excess baggage is justified as bringing a wrong plant would have entailed multiple journeys with extra cost; hence bill may be paid.

The T.A. Bill was paid accordingly.

Unpolitically correct Humour ??

A twin-engine passenger plane has sudden one engine failure and the altitude and speed are decreasing rapidly.

The pilot speaks over the intercom:
“I’m sorry it has come to this ladies and gentlemen, but unfortunately we are going to have to jettison the luggage in order for the aircraft to remain airborne”.

Baggage is thrown out but still the plane’s speed & altitude continue to fall.

Once again the pilot gets on the intercom:
“I hate to do this folks but in order to save the majority we are going to have to start off-loading some passengers.

The only fair way is to do this alphabetically, so we’ll start with the letter A".

“Africans? Are there any Africans on board?”
There was no answer.

“Black people, are there any black people on board?”
Again silence.

“Coloured people? Are there any coloured people on board?
Still silence!!

A little black boy sitting near the rear of the plane turned to his mother and said:
“Mum, ain’t we African? Ain’t we black? Ain’t we coloured?”

She replied:
“Yes son, but for the moment we is Niggers. Let them do the Muslims first. If that don’t work we is Zulus”.

Wonderful One Minute

One smart Software engineer and his Project Manager were traveling towards Pune in a train.Just Opposite to their seat, a beautiful girl was sitting along with her grand ma.With in some time, Eye-Eye interactions started between Our Software engineer & that girl.After some minutes, train started moving in to a tunnel and it was very dark.

Suddenly, everybody heard a Kiss sound followed by a loud slapping sound.Everybody remained silent, when the train came out of the tunnel.

Grand ma thought that,” The Guy is a rogue; how dare he is? He has kissed my granddaughter! But my Granddaughter is genuine; she immediately slapped that guy.”

That girl thought that,” I feel happy, when that guy kissed me, but I feel sorry that my grand ma has slapped him”.

PM thought that,” I can’t believe that this guy has kissed that girl! But it is unfair that she slapped me by mistake”

Finally, the Software engineer thought?
“This one minute in my life is wonderful, it hardly comes…because, at a time I have kissed a girl and also I have slapped my PM.”

Enjoy every moment ) !!!!! Feel good to be an Engineer , not a Manager

Only audio

@B@R_0_0_D wrote:@

Unpolitically correct Humour ??

A twin-engine passenger plane has sudden one engine failure and the altitude and speed are decreasing rapidly.

The pilot speaks over the intercom:
“I’m sorry it has come to this ladies and gentlemen, but unfortunately we are going to have to jettison the luggage in order for the aircraft to remain airborne”.

Baggage is thrown out but still the plane’s speed & altitude continue to fall.

Once again the pilot gets on the intercom:
“I hate to do this folks but in order to save the majority we are going to have to start off-loading some passengers.

The only fair way is to do this alphabetically, so we’ll start with the letter A”.

“Africans? Are there any Africans on board?”
There was no answer.

“Black people, are there any black people on board?”
Again silence.

“Coloured people? Are there any coloured people on board?
Still silence!!

A little black boy sitting near the rear of the plane turned to his mother and said:
“Mum, ain’t we African? Ain’t we black? Ain’t we coloured?”

She replied:
“Yes son, but for the moment we is Niggers. Let them do the Muslims first. If that don’t work we is Zulus”.